Lance Warner Sits Down w/ The "Bombastic" Bronson Box
Posted by Lance Warner on 13 Apr 2015
After my short interview with his business manager Jane Katze after the shocking conclusion of the pay per view Aftershock, I was lucky enough to score a sit down engagement with the one and only “Bombastic” Bronson Box. After days of silence from “Katze & Associates” I started to doubt this interview would ever happen. So imagine my surprise yesterday when into my tiny office here at DEF HQ (down by the bathrooms and soda machines… ) walks the man himself.
“I was told you wanted to speak to me, lad.” was all he said as he took off his pinstripe suit jacket, folding it carefully across the back of his chair. I nearly choked on my bearclaw out of sheer shock and awe but managed to offer the former World champion some coffee before we started with any questions. Being about as unprepared for this interview as humanly possible I grabbed a fresh notepad and my tape recorder and dove in headfirst with the first thing that popped into my mind. “Do you watch Inside the Actors Studio, Bronson?”
The barrel chested chuckle that escaped The Wargod’s lips was unexpected and, to be honest, a little terrifying. “Believe it or not, I have indeed. I don’t watch much television but I find the acting process quite fascinating.” I of course went on to reference Mr. Lipton’s famed ten question survey. The same ten questions asked of all his guests. “Before we get into a few more DEF specific questions, do you mind humoring the faithful and answer Mr. Lipton’s survey?” He silently nods, and we’re off...
“What is your favorite word?” Bronson grew silent, obviously giving the questions more thought than I figured he would. “Respect. It transcends pettiness. Good, bad, kindness, hatred, fear, bravery. Respect can transcend all of that. You can hate someone with every fiber of your being and respect them all at the same time given the right circumstances. It’s a concept that’s shaped my public persona immeasurably. Some men primp and preen and win a sort of respect from their peers, some men take respect by force. I find the latter a more… engaging process.”
“What is your least favorite word?” This answer came a little quicker. “Can’t. My free time is spent primarily in my gym nowadays, you see. Training. I’m slowly opening the doors of The Conclave to students again. The potential of the human body can be limitless if the spirit is willing. When I see defeat, hear “can’t” it honestly sickens me to my core. I can stomach physical defeat, seeing a man bested after giving every last drop of effort possible. There’s glory to be had in that sort of defeat. Lessons to be learned. But to be defeated by oneself?” Bronson giving a quiet harrumphs and sipping his coffee.
“What turns you on?” a sinister smile is all I got from this question. This man can say more with a look than most can with a ten minute promo.
“What turns you off?” quick as he can, adjusting himself in his seat. Almost nonchalant. “Timidness. Good bad or indifferent, stand your ground. Speak your piece. Eugene, for instance. If I had to boil our past animosity down it would be how timid he came across. Bowing and scraping to fly by night jackanapes like Boston Bancroft, Christian Light, Xavier Langston, Tom Sawyer, most recently Dusty Griffith. Over and over. After reigning as FIST, after seeing what he’s capable of he sloughed off that timidness like an old dried up snake skin… I think the results speak for themselves.” He brought it up, so I decided to go for broke. “So… you and Eugene… “
Bronson raises an eyebrow. “What exactly is the nature of your partnership?” He examines his fingernails, again as nonchalant as can be. “Eugene and I aren’t friends if that’s what you’re asking. We’ve trod the exact same path here in DEFIANCE. Blazed the same trails. And subsequently experienced the same prejudices from the upstairs sort who claim to “run” this company. Any more than that, I’d stay tuned. Mr. Dewey and myself are far from done passing out gifts.”
“Gifts?” I asked, knowing exactly what he meant. “Like the one we gave to our former and last “World” champion, of course. I don’t suspect you missed it.” Deciding at this point it would be prudent to move back to Mr. Lipton’s questionnaire. “What sound or noise do you love?” The Wargod thinks for a moment. “I know most want me to say something over the top, the screams of women and the breaking of bones but honestly? The sound of a wrestling ring. The pop of a human body on a wrestling mat in a big echoey gymnasium. Like music, that.”
“What sound or noise do you hate?” moving right along. “After the last few weeks I’d go with Miss Troy.” a perfect opportunity to get some thoughts on DEFMAX “I guess we know who you’d like to meet most during the tournament.” Bronson chuckles at that. “I’m rather conflicted honestly, I’d obviously love to test myself against our reigning FIST of DEFIANCE Mr. Eugene Dewey… the idea of putting several boots up that loud little harlot’s arse and dropping her on her head would be a true pleasure, indeed..”
“What is your favorite curse word?” he has to know how curious people are about this answer, Box being known for literally never cursing. “Like any UK resident worth my salt I’ll go with cunt. Nice round Shakespearean curse word.” I delve a little deeper “You realize that’s maybe the second actual bit of foul language you’ve ever been on record using, right?” Boxer rolls his eyes. “Why that little character trait is so interesting to you people I’ll never know. I like the things I say to be heard clearly and with proper intent. Constant foulness cheapens speech, end of story.”
“What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?” another quick response “Acting. As I mentioned before, I’m a great fan of the acting profession. I think given the chance I’d be rather good at it.” this is interesting territory here “Favorite actors? Directors?” he takes a moment, but responds pretty quickly with “Scorsese, Nicholson, Brando, Kubrick, Welles, Day-Lewis, Kurosawa, Hopkins, Duvall. I admire a great deal of creative minds from the lofty world of Hollywood. If I’m being honest, a lot of my… creative inspiration comes from the movies.”
“And what profession would you not like to do?” this time a true to life belly laugh from the Original DEFIANT. I think I peed just a little bit. “That’s the easiest question of all, Mr. Warner. Owner of DEFIANCE Wrestling.” an interesting answer, and an opportunity to get some real insight into this former World champion “Given the chance you wouldn't take the helm of DEF? Some critics say your… antics… are the reason we’re all still sitting here. The reason the doors are still open. The exactly TWO t-shirts you’ve allowed to be produced with your likeness have stayed top sellers since their release, social media traffic has doubled since your return at the PPV. You DO mean a lot to DEFIANCE… the thought never crossed your mind to lead this army? Not even once?” Bronson stays silent and gives me another one of those looks. I take the hint. Moving on, to what I know should be a very interesting answer to our final question.
“If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?”
Bronson gets up slowly and starts putting on his coat, talking as he does so. “I decided a number of years ago to keep my religious inclinations to myself. So what I feel my due will be when my name is called is between me and my creator, Mr. Warner. I will say this. I know I’ll have a lot of red on my books when that time comes. I’ll have a lot of pages in those books, Lance… enough for even a man the size of The God Beast. So much red to be harvested from that big bastard.” His coat buttoned, he whips out a beautiful platinum pocket watch from the pocket and checks the time.
“I didn’t take the last tournament this company held very seriously, I had other things on my mind. Other goals. Goals change and this DEFMAX tournament offers so many opportunities to remind everyone who I am. Mushi, Troy, even my good friend Eugene. Let it be known my head is on straight, my vision is clear. Bronson Box is back to claim his place in DEFIANCE. And nothing is going to stand in his way.” he leans in close, placing his finger tips on the top of my desk “You go ahead and write that down, lad. Work the faithful up into a lather and… ”
It’s at this point, feeling a little claustrophobic a voice from behind Bronson thankfully breaks the tension “Boxer, leave the poor man alone. He already has to work out of a closet, his life is miserable enough.” With a placid look on his face The Wargod joins his business manager Jane Katze at the office door. “Just havin’ a little fun. Aren’t we Lance-y?” all I could manage was a big stupid grin and a weak nod. Jane reaches up and tightens Bronson’s tie “I just moved into my new office down the hall, I have some things I need your to look over.” Jane turns and walks out of the office without another glance or word to me. Adjusting his cuffs Bronson gives me a little wink and follows suit. And that’s all she wrote.
There. I interviewed Bronson Box. Are you happy now Miss Evans?
I can’t BELIEVE she got that office by the way. I’m in here with the AC units, damnit.
*sigh*
I need a nap.
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