AGGRO CRAG 1

Posted by Tom Sawyer on 15 Jun 2013

The Aggro Crag is coming. And we bring to you a DVD-Rip from Night of the Tag Wars 2010, when the Foreshadowing took on AWESOME for all the bragging rights there were.

Warning: The following is not only uncensored and exactly as was recorded in 2010, but is super awesome.

Viewer Discretion is advised.

[Cut in on the Tag Wars commentary booth.]

Pollaski: Yeah, well, like I said. Extensive mutual history. Cliff notes needed. Et cetera.

Cole: I think fans are going to need Cliff notes for a long time to come, not only for what we just saw, but for what we're about to see.

Pollaski: I am still at a loss for how this came to be.

Cole: Well, apparently, this is what the teams wanted, a challenge was issue and a challenge was excepted and here we are.

Pollaski: And the powers that be just rolled with it?

Cole: Well, let's just say that the powers that be have a soft spot in their hearts for odd matches, and they have a pretty strict policy about giving the teams what they want, within reason. Basically, the feeling is that in order to build a stronger division, in order to make Tag Wars THE show to watch each and every month, the powers that be have to keep the teams coming in and happy to do so. So if teams want something strange...they'll get something strange.

Pollaski: You know far too much about the powers that be. how the hell do you know so much about what they want and plan to do with this event. Hell, I've never even met them and I sure can't recognize the name slopped across the bottom of the check.

Cole: Some things aren't meant to be revealed.

Pollaski: So you keep saying.

Cole: Don't worry Daniel, enjoy the beer your still sipping, and enjoy the match coming up next and rest assured that the next show will bring even more surprises and even less answers.

Pollaski: great, something to look forward too.

Cole: Personally, this match coming up next is exactly what I've been looking forward to all night, it's main event time!

AWESOME (Cannon and Zortalk) -vs- The Foreshadowing (DEF)

[-AGGRO CRAG MATCH-]

"THE FOLLOWING MATCH IS YOUR MAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING!"

Pollaski: I have no idea where these four fruit loops came up with this matchtype, but I'm excited to see something so big happen!

Cole: Whether it's something out of a fever dream by Sawyer, or an actual match that I've never heard of, this match looks serious.

The spotlights in the arena hit the giant steel structure hanging above the ring, a giant mountain of girders and platforms. Slowly, the Aggro Crag began to lower towards the arena floor, stagehands ensuring that nothing would be crushed underneath its weighty mass.

Pollaski: My colleague and I have been moved away from ringside, so we wouldn't be under the Crag itself.

Cole: Due to the... unique structure of this match, there will be something like fifteen cameramen manning various spots on the mountain itself, along with four roving cameras trying to follow the action. Don't worry, you won't miss a minute of this fight!

Slowly, the behemoth mountain was lowered over the ring, settling on the arena floor with a weighty thud. The stagehands swarmed up the paths, checking the safety of the structure, the view changing to show the perilous heights, the dangerous climbs, the slides, the cliff faces... Climbing this Crag would require dexterity, skill, and a whole lotta luck.

"COMING FIRST TO THE RING..." Synth-intro, of the "ridiculously famous" sort, heralded Tom Sawyer, by Rush. The fans leapt to their feet, cheering their heads off for the most popular of all four in the match. Neither Zortalk nor Cannon nor Harper had any hope of rivalling the pop given off for the man with the hottest-selling pro wrestling piece of merchandise in entire months.

Out from the back blew the vivacious blonde man, his youth and vitality apparent as he pranced about the entryway ramp, a small stuffed version of himself held tightly in one hand. Just behind him, in a somewhat more relaxed speed, was his tag partner.

"TOM SAWYER, AND LUCAS HARPER... THE FORESHADOWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!"

The fans continuing their rejoicing, chanting "SAW-YERR! SAW-YERR! SAW-YERR!", as Tom danced and pranced and cavorted on the ramp, even cutting a quick backflip! Harper swatted the kid in the back of the head, and headed down to what once was a ring, all business. In his DEFIANCE tee-shirt, his face a mask of focus and relentless determination, Lucas Harper looked like he was ready to do battle with his opponents, and just as importantly, with the mountain itself.

Tom came chasing Lucas down to the ringside area, picking one random kid by ringside and handing him the Wrestling Pal. In his "The Foreshadowing" tee-shirt, his face beaming, Tom looked remarkably unfocused, and absolutely unprepared for a match like this. However, in a situation such as this prematch, how could he possibly not know what he was in for?

Tom and Lucas headed to the first platform, so designated as the starting point for one team, the other a short ways away. They climbed onto it, waving to the fans, Lucas peeling his shirt off and gently, reverently hooking the DEFIANCE shirt over the edge of the platform, a banner as to which company the Foreshadowing would represent.

Pollaski: They may look confident, but I think both of these guys know just how much is on the line in this match here.

Cole: Aside from the bragging rights of the victory, this match looks like one mistake could mean the end of a career!

"COMING SECOND TO THE RING, REPRESENTING APPALACHIAN WRESTLING..."

Sure, they were the WWA-aligned team, but the crowd already hated the President of Cannonda, and as for the other? He was a lawyer. They didn't precisely engender love and respect. The crowd began to boo and jeer, knowing exactly who it would be.

"Machine Gun Etiquette", by the Damned hit, guitars creating a solid wall of noise within seconds. UK Punk Rock blasted the air, the Aggro Crag seeming to shake under the torrent of sonic abuse. Lucas narrowed his eyes, as Tom leaned over the edge of the little platform, pointing to a person at ringside, shouting... Well, something. Sawyer didn't seem to be sweating the small stuff.

"ZORTALK AND "HIGH-FLYING" CHRIS CANNON... THEY... ARE..."

The curtains parted, as a dozen of the gorgeous, business-suit-and-skirt-clad personal assistants that Zortalk and Cannon favored streamed out of the back, all wearing glasses, hairdos elegant. They lined the entryway, providing a lovely stage for their President and his attorney.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWESOOOOOOOOOOOOME!"

Out from the back burst Zortalk and Cannon, their long-awaited reunion at last! The boos rained down in the arena, as the two men stopped in the mouth of the line of lovely ladies, both in Appalachian Wrestling tee-shirts. They raised their arms in preemptive victory, grinning broadly. Ignoring the women(For the most part. Cannon was only human, and couldn't help but leer at his favorites.), they headed down the ramp. Cannon was jabbing a thumb at his chest, then pointing at the two on the platform, as Zortalk simply ignored the opposing team, holding his arms out to either side, slowly twirling as he moved down the ramp.

Pollaski: I'm going to say, right now, AWESOME is my pick to win this thing. The Foreshadowing are good, their association with Eric Dane aside, but they don't have anything on the experience and skill of my guys, Zortalk and Cannon!

Cole: I disagree! My pick to win this is The Foreshadowing! With the momentum they have behind them, as well as Sawyer's insane popularity, I think this is their match, tonight.

Zortalk and Cannon hopped onto their platform, and Cannon grinned, motioning for a microphone.

Cannon: Wait, before we start, I want to do something. Don't want to go into this match half-cocked...

Zortalk leaned over.

Zortalk: With valets like we've got, I don't think we'll be going into ANYTHING half-cocked.

Cannon: True. But, as the President of Cannonda, I feel that it would be only fitting to start this thing off... with the playing of Cannonda's national anthem.

Someone in the back obligingly hit play on the track that Cannon had prepared, and the song began to blare from the house speakers, the familiar setup to "O Canada" being played on a guitar.

OOOOOHHHH CAAAAAAAANNONDAAAAAAA 
HOW AWESOME IS YOUR NAAAAAAAME 
THE BEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD 
MUCH BETTER THAN A-MER-I-CAAAAA 
WITH THE BEST EVERYTHING 
AND THE SWEETEST, MOST AWESOME RIDES 
OUR COUNTRY IS TOTALLY BADICAL 
AND WE ARE THE BEST 
YOUR MOOOOO-HOOOO-HOOOOM 
WAS GREEEEEAAAAAAT LAST NIGHT 
AND WE'D LIKE TO THANK YOU FOR HER KINDNESS...

Harper and Sawyer, The Foreshadowing, glanced to one another, and Lucas grinned. He mouthed something, likely "Are you ready?", and Tom grinned, taking a step back. Sawyer rushed forward, finding Harper's hand clasped, and held low, as a launching pad for Tom.

Zortalk had his eyes on the big-screen showing the blasphemous Cannondian flag, Cannon's face replacing the maple leaf, and Cannon himself had his eyes closed, glorying in the anthem. They never saw Tom coming.

Cole: FLYING FOREARM TO ZORTALK! SHOULDERTACKLE TO CANNON!

Pollaski: TOM SAWYER CAN FLY!

Sawyer ended up perched atop Cannon, finally getting a chance to do what every Canadian citizen had wanted to for months now. Elbows smashed Cannon in the face, over and over, Sawyer taking his nationalistic anger out on Cannon! Harper came rushing over, hopping up, onto the platform. He grabbed ahold of Zortalk's AW shirt, yanking him to his feet.

A foot reared back, and Zortalk's hands came out of his spandex ringpants, palms facing upwards in a supplicating motion... And a fireball erupted from his palms! Lucas took it in the face, and Harper's hands clapped to his face! Lucas fell off the platform, crashing to the ground in a heap. Tom looked up, just in time to see Zortalk kneeing him in the face!

Tom fell to the side, and Zortalk grabbed his head, smacking it into the steel superstructure of the Aggro Crag, with a sickening smack! Tom fell prone, and Zortalk grabbed Cannon by the shirt, hauling him to his feet. The two partners rushed up the ramp, to the first climbing wall, the first significant obstacle in their path.

Pollaski: This wall doesn't look too hard to climb. It's got nice, big handholds, and it's on a bit of a slant!

Cole: But have you seen the climbing wall at the top? It looks like they'll be clinging on with their fingernails!

Zortalk helped Cannon get up onto the wall, and beckoned for his "Boss" to begin climbing, helping him for the first few feet. Fortunately for Cannon, his agile, some may even say "high-flying" physique was well-suited to climbing, and soon, Cannon was most of the way up the wall! Zortalk glanced back down the way they came, as Cannon managed to get himself to the top of the wall, onto the first of the three major plateaus!

Cole: HERE COMES THE FORESHADOWING!

Indeed, they had managed to get back up, and Lucas Harper looked quite cheesed off! Singed eyebrows or no, someone would pay for his pain, and it looked like Zortalk was to be the lamb! Zortalk's eyes widened in momentary panic, and he looked around for a weapon to grab, or something to throw... Lighting upon a big red button beside the climbing wall, Zortalk lashed out, fingertips slapping that button...

And the ramp up to the climbing wall exploded with confetti and sparkles and compressed air! Tom went down, howling, having taken a faceful of the shiny stuff, but Harper pressed on, despite being blind!

Pollaski: Confetti cannons?! What is this, a kid's show?!

Harper stumbled right into a Zortalk kick to the stomach! A hook of the head, the arm, and Zortalk hefted Lucas up, dropping him back down with a quick vertical suplex! Harper sat back up as soon as he fell, back paralyzed with the impact of slamming into that steel! Slowly, Lucas fell backwards, face a mask of agony!

Cannon beckoned Zortalk frantically, not wanting to let this get out of hand and knowing they needed to press their advantage. Zortalk came up, a hand pressed to his back in pain, but he stumbled to the climbing wall and began his first ascent.

Cole: I guess now's as good a time as any to explain fully what these teams have to go through. There are three climbing walls, each more difficult to climb than the last. The sloped ramps to each climbing wall get progressively steeper, and as they get higher up the mountain, more environmental hazards like those confetti cannons should make life difficult!

Pollaski: Are there any fake walls they need to knock down, or slime to the face if they say "What"?

Cole: I don't follow.

Pollaski: This is ridiculous. And amazing.

As Zortalk got almost to the top, the crowd erupted, as the golden-haired boy of legend came racing up the ramp! Not letting anything slow him down, Tom leapt up the climbing wall, eating up half of the height Zortalk had climbed in one amazingly acrobatic jump!

Cole: SAWYER IS CLIMBING UP ZORTALK!

Tom scrambled up Zortalk's back, using his t-shirt and flesh as hand-and-footholds! Coming onto Zortalk's shoulders, Tom reached up, grabbing Cannon's outstretched hand, meant for Zortalk! Cannon's eyes bulged in shock, Tom seemingly just appearing and grabbing onto him! Cannon leaned back, trying to pull away from Tom, but Sawyer just used that movement to haul himself onto the precipice, landing in a crouch on the top!

Pollaski: SAWYER'S UP! SAWYER AND CANNON MADE IT TO PLATEAU ONE!

Zortalk tried to haul himself up, but Tom snapped a mulekick into his face, and Zortalk sagged, using all his strength to keep from falling. Cannon came up, and threw a punch, but Tom blocked it! Another punch,and another block, before Tom finally retaliated in kind! The first punch rocked Cannon's world, the second shattered his foundations, and the third sent Cannon reeling away!

Cole: You can't be serious.

Sawyer began to stomp in a circle, shaking his head, fists spastically vibrating. He was Sawyering up! As Cannon turned back around to face Tom, Tom took a big step forward, a finger aimed squarely at Cannon's chest, Tom AND the entire assembled crowd shouting as one...

*"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU~!"*

Cannon's eyes bulged, and Tom charged him, leaping into the air! Cannon bodily caught Tom, unable to do much else, and Tom rained down hammerfists, the smallest man in the match a house a' fire! Cannon crumpled, and Tom landed on his feet! Turning, Tom ran into the nearby wall of the Aggro Crag, knee coming up and stopping his movement.

Knee helped Tom springboard off, and come running... Only to leap into the air, and come down with the IMMORTAL LEGDROP! Springing back up, Tom grabbed the neck of his "Foreshadowing" tee-shirt, tearing it right down the middle, before flexing!

Pollaski: This is so idiotic.

Cole: Sawyer is runnin' wild!

Zortalk made it onto the plateau in all the confusion, and as Tom posed down, Zortalk came rushing in, clipping Tom in the back of the head with an elbow. Tom crumpled, and Zortalk stood over him.

Zortalk: THAT'S COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT, BUDDY!

A few good stomps to Tom's head, before Zortalk helped Cannon back to his feet. Cannon gabbled something about never thinking he was gonna face that Immortal guy, but Zortalk just shook his head, helping Cannon limp up the ramp, until Cannon could get situated on his own two feet.

AWESOME began to make their way up the mountain trail, heading for the first switchback. As Zortalk glanced back, a hand waved on the cliff, and clapped onto the plateau, Lucas Harper finally getting himself back into the mix! Tom struggled to his hands and knees, offering a hand to Lucas, but The Sentry just rolled onto the plateau, fire in his eyes. He came to his knees, looking right up at Zortalk, who sucked in a breath. While Zortalk had been the AWF champ at one point, he still didn't want to have to risk himself against Lucas, and just urged Cannon on faster!

Cole: I don't think Zortalk and Cannon are watching where they're going! See that pile of boulders up top there?

Pollaski: That is NOT A.W.E.S.O.M.E!

Cannon had leaned against an exposed bit of rebar, catching his breath, his chest still aching from that legdrop. How had Tom managed to channel an alternate dimension Orange Goblin?! Zortalk lost it, shouting at Cannon... And the boulders, teetering atop the platform, finally were triggered, the platform tipping up, sending the massive gray things bouncing down the slope!

Cannon's eyes shot open as he spotted the boulders, and he pointed! Zortalk spun around, just in time to see one of the big gray rocks bouncing at his head! He took it full in the face, and was bowled ass-over-teakettle to the ground, the boulders following the first bouncing and rolling over him! Cannon turned, running back down the slope!

Cole: Run, Indy! Run!

Cannon came to the bottom of the slope, just as Harper and Sawyer came around it, and Cannon dove between them both! Tom screamed, and fell victim to one of the huge things, crushed under its weight, but Lucas just shook his head. A snap-kick knocked one away, which knocked another away, and he stopped the third with his palm! Lucas Harper was Superman!

Pollaski: Are those boulders styrofoam?!

Harper picked a boulder up, and as Cannon came to his feet, Harper smashed Cannon in the face with it! Cannon went staggering back, hands clapped to his bashed-in face, and Lucas sighed. Again. Taking a few big strides forward, Harper caught up to Cannon, and the most kicky member of the fight finally got his licks in! Cannon took two to the chest, before Harper spun, thrust-kicking Cannon in the stomach!

With Cannon doubled over, and Tom staggering to his feet, Lucas walked back to Tom, waistlocking Tom from behind. He scooped Tom up, in a seeming Atomic Drop, but Tom shot both legs out... And Lucas brought Tom down, simulating a guillotine legdrop to the back of Cannon's neck!

Pollaski: THE NATIONAL RAZOR!

Cole: Without any ring ropes, that's as good as it'll get for the Foreshadowing's main finisher!

Tom leaned against that same piece of rebar that Cannon had leaned on, as Harper came striding up the slope, beelining for Zortalk! A few palmthrusts, a spinning back elbow, and Zortalk ended up thrown against a gap in the false wall of the mountain path!

Cole: Where does that gap go?

Pollaski: A short drop, and a sudden stop?

Harper rushed in with a big boot, and Zortalk took it on the chin, being tossed off the path... And down about three feet! Steam exploded skyward, one of the environmental hazards going off. Zortalk wailed in agony, the steam boiling him!

Zortalk: I'M BEING BOILED LIKE A LOBSTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRR!

Lucas leaned over, peeking down, and shrugged a bit. That was both members of A.W.E.S.O.M.E dealt with. Beckoning Tom on, the two made their way up to the top of the switchback, and onto a flat bit... With a major gap in it!

Pollaski: Wait, are those ziplines?

Cole: Yup! The two teams have to make their way across this gap on the ziplines!

Pollaski: Why is this considered a wrestling match?

Cole: Hey, a man could fall and break his legs on those things!

Tom and Lucas came to the two ziplines, and both grabbed at the zipline-riders. Lucas took a deep breath, gritting his teeth, and pushed off, slowly pulling his knees up to his chest, but Tom took a running leap, letting out an overjoyed "WHEEEEEE!" as he zipped across. The two members of the Foreshadowing touched down on the other side, Lucas landing and falling to his knees, face a bit pale.

Cole: Does Harper not like heights or something?

Pollaski: Maybe he's not a fan of zipping.

Tom landed on his feet, arms going out to either side, spinning on his heel like a little kid! Turning to Lucas, Tom grinned.

Sawyer: THAT WAS AWESOME! LET'S DO IT AGAIN!

Lucas shook his head, but Tom went back to the zipline, grabbing at it. He took a few steps back, and went charging forward, even as Lucas came up, hollering threats and angry words. Zipping across, Tom let out a "WHEEEEEE!" again, but it choked, halfway through... A.W.E.S.O.M.E had gotten to the other side, and they both had boulders in their hands!

Cole: SAWYER TAKES A DOUBLE BOULDER!

Pollaski: Is that a titty joke?

Cole: I have a LITTLE more respect for myself than that, thank you.

The empty zipline-glider came to Zortalk's waiting hand, and he grinned, looking down into the pit that Tom fell into. A cameraman came over, peering down into the pit... It was full of chunks of black foam rubber! Tom lay, spread-eagle, and the camera focused on him, making Sawyer look for all the world like a modern-day martyr!

Zortalk kicked off, and went zipping across, legs dangling... But halfway across, Zortalk realized one very important thing.

Lucas Harper was still standing on the other side of the gap. He grinned broadly, positioning himself at the spot where the zipline would land, and got into a familiar pose. Zortalk howled "NOOOOOOOOO~!", as he came flying at Lucas... And poor William Boscoe Davenport ate a superkick for the second time in as many times meeting Lucas Harper!

Cole: SUPERKICK!

Pollaski: I have to admit, Harper has a REALLY nice superkick.

Lucas grabbed the zipline glider, and held both of them in his hands, giving Zortalk and Cannon no way across the gap! Sawyer was slowly climbing up a ladder on the side with Cannon on it, with Zortalk slowly trying to follow, his sore jaw held tightly with one hand.

Soon, the situation ended up as a Mexican standoff, Cannon hauling Tom off the ladder and to his knees, latching on a Dragon Sleeper. Zortalk climbed up, and hauled a fist back, ready to begin punching Tom in the exposed ribs, but Harper still had both zipline gliders!

Cole: It seems they're at an impasse!

Zortalk came to the edge, shouting across, and Harper and Zortalk quickly brokered a deal. They wouldn't beat the living daylights out of Tom by himself, and Harper would send the gliders back across. All three guys would come to the other side, Sawyer first, then they'd all restart the fight past this obstacle.

Pollaski: That's a shitty deal.

Cole: What would you say if it was Wendy on one side, held captive by A.W.E.S.O.M.E, Twister holding the ziplines?

Pollaski: ...That's still a shitty deal.

All four men ended up on the same side, Zortalk and Sawyer zipping over at the same time, both letting out childlike "WHEEEEEE!"s as they flew. True to his word, Harper didn't begin kicking Zortalk in the head as soon as he landed, and Tom and William even shook hands, in the spirit of good sportsmanship. Cannon came flying across, and as he came flying in, he let go, tackling Tom to the ground!

Cole: Cannon really has it out for Tom Sawyer!

Unfortunately for Zortalk, this meant that Harper was absolutely allowed to strike, and wide eyes turned to the grinning Sentry! A roundhouse kick came flying... And Zortalk dropped to a knee, fist lashing out in the ultimate equalizer!

Pollaski: DICK PUNCH!

Lucas' face went slack with pain, knees clamped together, and he slowly teetered, then fell over. Cannon began to smash Tom's head into one of the boulders left scattered about for decoration, and within three hammering strikes of Sawyer's head to the boulder, the thing cracked open, revealing the white foam inside!

Pollaski: HA! I knew it!

Tom went limp, and Cannon came to his feet, spitting on poor Tom Sawyer. He brushed himself off, finally getting retribution for the legdrop. Zortalk rose back to his feet, and looked to Cannon. Both members of the Foreshadowing were down... A moment passed, and, struck with the same idea, Cannon and Zortalk went dashing around the switchback corner of the flat part of the path!

Cole: This next part is supposed to simulate an active volcano, with earthquakes, hot steam, and boulders flying everywhere! Let's see if A.W.E.S.O.M.E has what it takes to deal with the Aggro Crag erupting!

Red lights turned on, aimed at the path, and the walkable part of the path shifted from side to side, alarmingly quickly! Zortalk kept getting thrown to the side, and Cannon ended up taking a falling boulder to the chest, tumbling ass over teakettle back down the slope! The steep hill dumped Cannon at the bottom, by the Foreshadowing, where Tom was slowly coming back to his feet.

Harper was making his way back up as well, quite aggravated by the low blow, and as Cannon came back up, he spied the two men getting back up. Eyes widened, and Cannon scrambled back up the steeper slope, on his hands and knees! The President of Cannonda made a most undignified way up the slope, Zortalk trying to make his way upright, holding onto the side of the path!

The Foreshadowing looked up the steep, shifting path, and the two resolved to tackle it as a team, and quickly. Linking arms, they began to make their way up the path, both bracing themselves against one side of the path. Even with stalagmites(That's a "g", for "ground", not a "c" for "ceiling!") in the path, the two made good time, as just as Zortalk and Cannon made their way to the top of the hill, The Foreshadowing was nipping at their heels!

Cole: There's the second climbing wall! All four men gotta get up it, but you can bet Zortalk and Cannon don't want the Foreshadowing to follow them too quickly!

Pollaski: They may not have any choice! How can they stop them?!

This time, Cannon helped Zortalk get up the wall, these handholds less like a climbing wall's sticky-out rocks, and more like gaps to cling into. Zortalk quickly got about halfway up, and Cannon urged him on, glancing back with fear...

Cole: Look out, Cannon! Harper's comin' for ya!

A series of kicks to the chest, the back, and the thigh rocked Cannon, sending him staggering backwards, into the wall. Lucas Harper grinned toothily, loving the impacts of a kick to Chris Cannon, as Tom began to scramble up the climbing wall after Zortalk! As the lightest man in the match, Sawyer was probably the best suited to climbing, and he went racing up the wall!

Pollaski: Come on, Zortalk! Bite! Kick! Punch!

Tom drew level with Zortalk, and Davenport reached out, grabbing Tom by the back of the head and smacking his forehead into the wall! Tom blinked, slightly dazed, but grabbed at Zortalk's head reflexively, smacking his head right into the wall as well!

The two men staggered, not moving any higher for a moment, before both fell! Luckily for them, their teammates were right below them, and they landed... Straddling their teammates' shoulders!

Pollaski: Oh no.

Cole: CHICKEN FIIIIIIIIIIGHT!

Lucas grabbed Tom's knees, Cannon grabbed Zortalk's calves. Zortalk and Tom looked down, trying to figure things out... And Zortalk shoved Tom! Tom grinned, recognition washing over Tom's face, and he gave Zortalk a stiff shove right back! Tom and Zortalk locked up, jockeying for position, but unfortunately for Tom, Zortalk waaaaaaaaaay outmuscled him!

However, Lucas Harper wasn't about to let this end so easily, and he lashed out with a kick, striker's balance good enough to nail Cannon in the thigh and still keep Tom upright! Cannon staggered, and Zortalk wavered, his arms pinwheeling for a second...

Cannon hit the wall, and rushed forward, coming running in and bringing a foot right up into Harper's groin. Right between the uprights, and the Sentry's nuts were taking some serious battle damage!

Pollaski: Oh, damn. I hope Lucas didn't need those.

Cole: A.W.E.S.O.M.E really likes giving groin shots! Those blackhearts!

Harper staggered, and finally fell onto his ass, Tom falling down onto Lucas, the two ending up with their faces in one anothers' groins!

Pollaski: What number am I thinking of?

Cole: Sixty-nine, dude!

Squeedily-doo! Wyld Stallions!

Cannon turned, and Zortalk grabbed at the climbing wall again, climbing back up onto it! Feet dug into the footholds, hands grabbed at the wall, and Zortalk soon got up, onto the second plateau!

Cole: That's it, the match is half over, right there! One more plateau, then the summit, Zortalk!

Pollaski: See? I told you that it'd be A.W.E.S.O.M.E!

Cannon began to climb up, after Zortalk, the fallen Foreshadowing crawling off one another, starting to find their grit once more... But, with Cannon's groin in perfect condition, he was much better off than the Foreshadowing happened to be, and Cannon soon made his way high up enough that Zortalk could reach down and grab an outstretched hand, pulling Cannon up, onto the second plateau. Appalachian Wrestling was beating DEFIANCE, and that was indisputable!

Cole: I wouldn't count The Foreshadowing out! They're alive, and both are climbing up the cliff-face!

Zortalk and Cannon headed for the next path, and as they did, a giant fan swung out of the wall on the far end of this flat bit of the mountain path. Its huge blades began to spin, and very quickly, a hurricane-force wind was screaming through the path! Blue lights replaced the red, a hurricane suddenly hitting the Aggro Crag!

Cannon hunkered down, onto his hands and knees, and tried to replicate his success up the volcano-earthquake path, but the wind ripping at his flesh, his hair, and his AW t-shirt was so strong, it was hard to make any progress!

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