DEFIANT's Intentions Made Clear
Posted by Lance Warner on 18 Feb 2015
Our resident reporter Lance Warner caught up with the man at the center of one of the biggest ‘WTF’ moments from DEFtv 45. Wanna watch?
Yeah you do.
[We’re backstage in the DEFIANCE Wrestleplex. The crowds have dispersed, the lights are out and the majority of the staff have left for the evening. Two men however haven’t left, and they’re DEFIANCE’s trusty reporter Lance Warner and one of his cameramen.]
[He doesn’t have a name because fuck him, he’s not important.]
Lance Warner:
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s now… [Looks at watch.] ...eleven twenty at night. I’ve missed my dinner reservations and I’m pretty sure we’re now locked in until the morning, but I’m not moving from this spot until the man behind that door emerges and tells us exactly what…
Click
[How convenient.]
Lance Warner:
Ooh, ooh, ooh, here we go.
[The door behind the most dedicated reporter in DEFIANCE opens up and out steps a familiar face. His blonde flattop is pristine. His COOL shades sit perfectly on his face. His general physique is downright amazing in every way.]
Lance Warner:
Jonny! Jonny!
Jonny Booya:
Lance ah’d love ta shoot the shit an’ all but ah got places ta be.
[Jonny throws his duffel bag over his shoulder and quickens his pace, but Lance has been itching to move for the last few hours and keeps up with him. He holds his microphone over Jonny’s shoulder as he speaks.]
Lance Warner:
This won’t take long, Jonny, I swear.
Jonny Booya:
It won’t take any time ‘cause ah ain’t talkin’, boah!
[But Lance isn’t going to be dissuaded that easily and carries on with his line of questioning.]
Lance Warner:
Jonny, I’m sure you’ve heard the rumours floating around backstage that you were no longer part of DEFIANCE after the whole Edward White saga.
Jonny Booya:
Ah ain’t heard shit.
Lance Warner:
Well, there were definitely some whispers.
Jonny Booya:
Well it looks like dey ain’t true, don’t it?
Lance Warner:
It certainly does. So we can take this to mean that you are still an active member of the DEFIANCE roster?
Jonny Booya:
…
Lance Warner:
Jonny, are you-
Jonny Booya:
A’corseaham!
[Jonny stops in his tracks and turns on a dime to face Lance, who almost bumps into Booya’s massive arms. Jonny whips the COOL shades off of his face and fixed Lance with a firey stare.]
Jonny Booya:
Jonny Booya ain’t goin’ nowhere but up when it comes to DEFIANCE!
Lance Warner:
So was what you did during the main event some kind of statement?
Jonny Booya:
Yeah, Boah. That was a statement that I, Big King COOL, wanna be Big King FIST… Remember Edward White sayin’ he had a new champ lined up? Take a guess at who that was…
[Jonny gives Lance a nanosecond to answer before shouting it out himself.]
Jonny Booya:
Dat were me! But see, ah never needed help from no runt ass pipsqueak like Alceo Dentari, that were all Edward White’s idea. But now White ain’t here Alceo thinks he can come in an’ steal mah title shot? Unuh! Dat just ain’t gonna happen. Ahm gonna be the one dat beats Eugene Dewey an’ ends his reign as FIST, ya feel me, Boah?
[Jonny replaces the COOL shades over his eyes and looks Lance up and down.]
Jonny Booya:
Yew got any more queshuns?
[Lance shakes his head silently. Booya nods back at the reporter as though to say ‘damn right’ and carries on down the corridor alone. Lance turns to the camera.]
Lance Warner:
There you have it, folks, Jonny Booya is still very much a part of DEFIANCE and has set his sights on the FIST. I hope Eugene Dewey is ready for him…
[Lance waits a second for the cameraman to lower the camera.]
Lance Warner:
Alright, now let’s go find a door that’s not chained shut.
[Cut.]
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