[The Camera flicks on to an awkwardly framed wet torso]

“That should be on now” Rainwood’s muffled voice is heard off camera.

[After another good few seconds of bare torso, the situation reveals itself. Rainwood lays back in an overflowing bubble bath, cigarette in his pursed lips, and a mug of something sitting on the edge of the tub. The essentials are (un)fortunately  covered by mounds of thick white bubbles and after having a puff of the cigarette Jeremiah begins to speak.]

“Hello Ladies and Gentlemen, My name is Jeremiah Rainwood and I will very shortly be debuting in the fine wrestling establishment that is Defiance.”

[Taking a long swig from the mug, he looks relaxed a cocksure smile across his lips.]

“So I thought I’d take some time out of my “busy training schedule” to have a nice little chinwag at you lovely folks telling you all about me and my match, you know get to know you all better. So I went down to this fancy ass studio Dane had hired out to cut a promo in, got dolled up by a couple of the lovely ladies back stage at Defiance and stood in front of some mahoosive camera with lights shining in my eyes from every direction under the sun. And you know what I said to that camera. Not a single word.

Do you know why I didn’t say a word? It all had such a corporate bullshitty vibe about it, the lights, the camera, the cheap ass suit I was wearing. And your man Jerry here, well he’s about as far away from corporate as you can get. So I got me together a large mug of cocoa and a pack of my favourite little golden virgins and got into my nice big tub and thought I’d film a little something that was much more personal. Cosy. Intimate.

That and they tried to put make up on me, and phewee... I do not have time for that.”

He took another gulp of cocoa, as he spoke he emphasized every point with wide sweeps of his arms, cigarette constantly moving between his hand and his lips.

“So, now that we have that whole long assed story out the way, it’s about time that I did what I intended to do in the first place talked about my debut live on your telly boxes that will very shortly be starting.

First up, I should tell all of you fine wrestling fans out there to really need to brace yourself for what you will witness, because there is one reason and one reason only that I was placed in the first match of the night with Mr. Lash and his weird ass critter and that my friends is because Dane wanted to kick off the show with the biggest bang you will see thus far in the history of Defiance.

The thing is, I know how to put on a fine show, and I’ve been watching some tape of Graham, and despite being, how to put this delicately... a bit... bat shit mental, he’s a good guy and has some very impressive moves in his arsenal. Between me and him, only good things can happen...

To put it another way;

Does the man’s stuffed armadillo creep me out? Hell yes!

Does that stop him from having one of the most unique offenses I’ve seen in a good long while? Hell No!  

Personally I’d say he needs to calm down a fair bit as well, but I know a couple of moves that will really help him...”

Rainwood placed his cigarette in his mouth again momentarily before realising it was all but out.

“Sorry you gotta give me a second”

Tossing the butt swiftly Rainwood lights up another cigarette from a packet on the side of the tub and takes a long hard drag.

“It’s a filthy habit I know... where was I... oh yes, Mr Lash will certainly have his ass calmed the fuck down when I’m done with him at Def 39.”

Rainwood holds a long crooked smile into the camera, cigarette hanging lazily from the corner of his mouth.

“So now that we’ve talked about the match, what about your future at defiance Mr Rainwood? Very good question faithful viewer. Well what can I say, I’ve never really been the kinda man who looks ahead at things. Will I shut that Heidi bitch up and do the company a favour? Nope too much hassle there. Will I join Omar as his mystery Partner? Not very likely. How about getting myself one of those nice shiny strap thingys around CVC or Cancers waist for myself? Well sure that’ll be nice, but we’ve got a long time coming before I have any chance at that.  

Who knows, I’ve heard Defiance are looking for referees lately, I mean seriously, how hard can it be?”

His smirk was growing.

“All I can do is repeat what I said a minute ago and say this. This week, I will put on one of the finest matches you’ll get to see. And next week I’ll do the same. And the week after, same again. And if at the end of it all I get a shiny belt great! If not, you’ll all have a blast getting to watch it.

And with that folks it’s about high time I got out of this tub. Waters getting cold and everything” a cheeky glance down “Is starting to get a little shrivelled down there...”

The screen once again is filled with a man’s torso before cutting to black. 

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