DEFIANCE Uncut 196

 

The camera pans around a jam-packed American Airlines Center from tonight’s edition of UNCUT! Soon, we’re on The Commentation Station on stage left with our commentator hostesses with the most…eses. 

DDK:
Welcome one and all to UNCUT! I am “Downtown” Darren Keebler and with me, you know who…. Lance Warner! 

Lance:
What a match we have lined up! Following Henry Keyes defending the FIST of DEFIANCE against a very game Doctor Ned Reform, what’s next for The Kraken? Who will step up to the champion come DEFCON? 

DDK:
Questions we have yet to answer, but with DEFCON just over the horizon in less than two months time, everyone wants in on the action! Tonight, we’ve got Heavy Artillery in action against the Gulf Coast Connection, but up first, we have Punch Drunk Purcell of The Lads against BRAZEN star “Young Bull” Tate Newell!

Lance:
Purcell is in no mood tonight after what happened with The Lads at the hands of Titanes Familia! Tonight, he’s on the warpath and if I’m Tate Newell, I’d be pulling a Heisenberg and treading carefully! 

The camera goes to Darren Quimbey in the ring. 

Darren Quimbey:
The following contest is your opening match for UNCUT! This is a singles bout set for one fall! 

PUNCH.
PIN.
PAY WINDOW.

♫ “Momma Said Knock You Out” by LL Cool J ♫

The Faithful make some noise for the big man and cheers go out to the hard-working brawler and one-third of The Lads!

Darren Quimbey:
…Representing The Lads… From Atlanta, Georgia, weighing in at THREE-HUNDRED FIFTY-ONE pounds! He is “The Round Mound of Ground and Pound”... PUNCH! DRUNK! PURCELL!

A loud ovation is heard for the big, bald badass as he heads out to the ring! Punchy pulls out his rainbow-colored mouthguard from his shirt before placing it in his mouth. He bumps fists with a few fans on the way to the ring. After he climbs into the ring, he throws a shadow punch in the air and lets out a loud howl for The Faithful before his opponent arrives.

♫ ”Becoming The Bull” by Atreyu ♫

Darren Quimbey:
And his opponent… from Buffalo, New York… weighing in at 264 pounds… ”THE YOUNG BULL” TATE NEWELL!

The fans jeer the man coming out from the back with payback for his mentor on his mind! Wearing a dark green wrestling singlet and black boots, the young man points right at the ring with his index and middle fingers, then heads down to the ring. Once he gets there and climbs inside the ring, he goes right at Purcell and shoves him! Purcell goes to swing, but Benny Doyle gets in between the two!

DDK:
It seems that Tate Newell is itching for a fight tonight against The Brick Hithouse!

Lance:
Indeed! 

They get ready as Doyle calls for the bell. 

DING DING

The Young Bull goes right at Purcell with another shove! The Dallas Faithful jeer the brash rookie as he tries to dare Purcell to swing at him. Instead, he gets a shove from the big Georgian and almost falls on his ass! He gets knocked into the ropes as Purcell puts up his dukes. 

Punch Drunk Purcell:
YOU ABOUT TO GET THIS WORK, BOY! COME ON! 

Newell charges at Purcell with all his might and SMACKS into him loudly with a running shoulder block off the ropes. Punchy stumbles back, but keeps his ground and pretends to dust off his shoulder. He dares The Young Bull to take another shot. He does by hitting the ropes and going for another shoulder block. This time, Purcell stumbles back a little bit further but his low center of gravity keeps him grounded. 

Lance:
Purcell better be careful! Tate Newell likes to use a striking spear off the ropes that he calls The Horns! If he can land that, he could be on the verge of an upset! 

DDK:
Punchy is wanting to take these hits head on, though! He WANTS a fight tonight after what happened to he, Dex Joy and Janna Ray last week!

Hoping to get momentum on his side, Newell hits the ropes a third time, however when he comes back, The Brick Hithouse charges at him and knocks him down with a HUGE shoulder tackle of his own to loud cheers! Purcell cheers out to the crowd as Newell tries to get back up to his feet, only for Punchy to apply a front facelock with his left arm. He uses his right to throw a couple of body blows into the side of The Young Bull before he gets hoisted up and dropped by a huge gourdbuster! 

DDK:
Those are some shots! Tate wanted a fight from Punch Drunk Purcell and now he’s getting one!

Newell is reeling on the canvas right now as he tries to get to the ring apron to stop himself. He pulls himself up, but right behind him, Punch Drunk Purcell has him by the neck! He pulls his arms back over the ropes and then starts to swing…. 

DDK:
Is Punchy about to start Hitting The Bag?

The people want it… but Tate denies them! He frees his arm and catches Purcell on the side of the head with back elbows to free himself. Newell then reaches over and decks Purcell with a hard forearm smash! Purcell is reeling quickly as Newell takes to the top rope of all places. When he gets there, he takes flight and takes off with a diving shoulder tackle off the top rope! 

Lance:
Oooh! Purcell goes down! Tate Newell gets him off his feet!

Seeing that he has the former boxer down for the moment, Newell stands up to his feet and positions himself in front of Purcell. He catches the crowd’s attention with a HUGE standing moonsault!

DDK:
WHAT THE… NO WAY! TATE NEWELL JUST PULLED OFF A STANDING MOONSAULT! BULL-SAULT! 

The Dallas Faithful are impressed! Newell looks confident as he hooks the leg of Purcell!

ONE!

TWO… NO!

Punchy kicks out and sits up straight, but Tate Newell knows that he has Purcell on the ropes. 

DDK:
Here comes Purcell… OOH! Sliding shoulder tackle off the ropes by Tate Newell! He is taking the fight to Punchy tonight! 

Instead of going for a cover, he starts ramming punches down into the head of the Round Mound of Ground and Pound until Benny Doyle warns him about a possible disqualification. Newell backs off and waits on Purcell to get back to his feet. He positions himself back near the corner. 

Lance:
I think he’s going for The Horns! We talked about this earlier! 

He waits for a chance to unleash the running spear out of the corner on Purcell. He swipes a foot on the mat like his namesake ready to charge. He waits on Purcell to turn… 

He charges… 

OOOOOOH! 

Of all moves, Purcell charges and FLIES off the canvas first to rock Newell with a flying uppercut first! 

DDK:
HOLY… KING HIPPO FROM PURCELL! NEWELL ISN’T THE ONLY MAN IN THE RING THAT CAN FLY! 

Purcell is locked in! He gets back to his feet with the cheering crowd around him! Newell has been knocked into the ropes when he hooks him by the head. 

DDK:
And here we go! He’s about to start Hitting The Bag!

The Dallas Faithful goes for the clubbing forearms across the back and they count along! 

ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! TEN!

Newell is hurt and stumbling around when Purcell grabs him by the arm. He whips him into the ropes and when he comes back… 

POP-UP HAYMAKER!

Lance:
Nighty-night to Tate Newell!

DDK:
Punch Drunk Love! That move has knocked out some of DEFIANCE’s loudest mouths from Ed White to Ned Reform! 

Purcell hooks the leg!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

DING DING DING

♫ “Momma Said Knock You Out” by LL Cool J ♫

Darren Quimbey:
Here is your winner… PUNCH DRUNK PURCELL!

Lance:
Don’t call it a comeback… call it a statement! The Familia have challenged The Lads to Familia Feud Rules II and the challenge was accepted!

DDK:
Purcell is ready, but who will they pick as their fourth member? 

Purcell celebrates the quick win with The Faithful cheering him on! Doyle raises his arm and The Dallas Faithful support The Brick Hithouse before he leaves.

Blackout.

“DEFIANCE WRESTLING…”

Glowing green eyes appear in the dark as the familiar voice of GREEN REAPER cuts through the PA.

Green Reaper:
THIS… IS… A MESSAGE!!!

♫ “Rainbow in the Dark” by Dio ♫

The lights come up, revealing the RAINBOW REAPERS standing in unison in the ring: the leader Green at the head of the echelon, flanked by the tertiary trio of Cyan, Magenta, and Chartreuse, along with the most recent recruit, VIOLET REAPER. 

DDK:
Well, notwithstanding the catastrophe that was their last appearance, the Reapers appear to be back in the ring to address the Faithful!

Lance:
Didn’t we have the exterminators spray for these guys last fall?

After a beat, Greenie gives the motion to cut off the Ronnie James.

Green Reaper:
The VOICE of the RAINBOW BRIDGE beckons, DEFIANCE! The HOUR of FRUITION is AT HAND!

Cyan Reaper:
A FRUITFUL FRUITION!

Magenta Reaper:
FRUITION of the LOOM!

Chartreuse Reaper:
I’M HUNGRY FOR SPINACH!

Everyone turns to look at the newest addition, who seems caught off guard by the expectation that he was supposed to jump in.

Violet Reaper:
Oh, um… fruition… tuition, or something?

Cyan, Magenta, and Chartreuse groan in disappointment.

Magenta Reaper:
Aw, man… ya GOTTA get your timing down!

Violet Reaper:
Okay?

Cyan Reaper:
Give it a few weeks, kinda feel out the rapport… you’ll get the hang of it eventually.

Chartreuse Reaper:
No, guys, seriously… spinach.

Greenie has been facepalming this entire time.

Green Reaper:
The voice of the rainbow bridge beckons SIIII-LENCE, YOU FOOLS!!

The Reapers stand to attention. Now beyond irritated, la Muerte Verde paces the ring.

Green Reaper:
Our MESSAGE tonight goes out to one person in particular… 

He angrily points down the camera.

Green Reaper:
The EGOMANIACAL CRETIN known as KERRY KUROYAMA!

“RRRAAAAAAHHH!!”

Green Reaper:
KERRY KUROYAMA, you insufferable, insincere, insecure, insolent LACKEY… by willingly raising your hand against the SPECTRUM OF DEATH two weeks ago, you have unwittingly signed your own DEATH SENTENCE!! And TONIGHT, the REAPERS have come for YOUR SOUL!!

Greenie hoists his glowing green kendo stick over his head.

Green Reaper:
Therefore, KERRY KUROYAMA, we SUMMON YOU to the ring to FACE--

“BOOM! BLAP-BLAP! BAP-BOOM-BLAP!!
“BOOM! BLAP-BLAP! BAP-BOOM-BLAP!!
“BOOM! BLAP-BLAP! BAP-BOOM-BLAP!!
“BOOM! BLAP-BLAP! BAP-BOOM-BLAP!!”

♫ “Blouses Blue by Konrad OldMoney feat. Sleep Steady ♫

The Reapers collectively turn to look at the entryway in surprise. Within seconds -- almost as if he'd been standing by, waiting for his cue -- the Emerald Apex KERRY KUROYAMA strides through the curtain, fully dressed for action and wearing a smirk that sends a message of its own.

Strawbviously, that message is: y'all done and fucked up now.

DDK:
Oh boy, that didn’t take long! Kerry Kuroyama was summoned, and so he was here!

Lance:
Something tells me the Reapers are already feeling buyer’s remorse! 

Kuroyama powerwalks down the aisle and slides into the ring. Greenie stands firm while the other Reapers titter nervously behind him.

The moment Kerry is on his feet, he tosses Chartreuse a bag of leafy greens.

Chartreuse Reaper:
SPINACH!! MY FAVORITE!!

Chartreuse Reaper immediately tears the bag open while humming the theme from Popeye and begins smashing spinach leaves into the plastic teeth of his skull mask.

Kerry looks to the other Reapers, shrugs matter-of-factly, and takes a step toward them to begin the mauling…

Green Reaper: (throwing his hands up)
HEY, WAIT!! WAIT!! You didn’t LET ME FINISH!

Kerry pauses, and gives the gesture for him to resume where he left off. Greenie clears his throat and gets back into character.

Green Reaper:
THEREFORE, KERRRYY KUURROYAAAMAAA… we SUMMON YOU to the RING… to FACE… your GREATEST CHALLENGE YET!!

Kuroyama looks unimpressed. Nevertheless, Greenie points to Violet Reaper using his kendo stick.

Green Reaper:
As you can see, like the mighty HYDRA, every time you strike us down, the SPECTRUM of DEATH only stands to GROW IN NUMBER! And TONIGHT is no different, KERRY KUROYAMA! 

Green Reaper WAVES his hand…

…and the arena goes into BLACKOUT!

DDK:
Oh, for crying out--who keeps giving these loons control of the lights?!

Without warning, a set of YELLOW EYES appear in the ring!

Green Reaper:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, YESSS!! MEET THE NEWEST HAND OF DOOM, KERRY KUROYAMA… FEEL THE WRATH OF… YELLOW REAPER!!

The lights come back on…

…and YELLOW REAPER is standing behind the Emerald Apex!

Lance:
Look out!

In a flash, the Yellow Reaper POUNCES…

…only to run straight into Kerry’s WAITING HAND!

DDK:
NO!! Kerry SAW RIGHT THROUGH THE TRAP!

Yellow Reaper squirms as Kerry’s hand clamps down on his throat. Then, Kuroyama’s grin widens as he pivots and swings the newest Reaper around with him. In a single powerful motion, he shoulder tosses Yellow Reaper through the air like a sack of cement!

DDK:
YELLOW REAPER TOSSED ASIDE LIKE HE WAS NOTHING! VIOLET REAPER TAKEN OUT!

Cyan and Magenta stand stunned. Green looks to Chartreuse, who is continuing to smash spinach into his mask while watching the action. Mentally flipping a coin, Kerry goes after Magenta Reaper first, who stands like a deer in headlights before being pulverized by a discus lariat!

DDK:
SQUALL LINE LARIAT!!

Lance:
He’s in full massacre mode now!

Screaming like a banshee, Green Reaper charges. Seeing him coming, Kuroyama deftly ducks beneath his wildly swinging kendo stick and traps his arms from behind into a full nelson.

DDK:
SNAP DRAGON SUPLEX on the de facto leader of the Reapers!

Lance:
And then there was one…

Cyan looks around, assessing the writhing bodies of the other Reapers, and Chartreuse, continuing to “eat” spinach. Kerry beckons him to make his move. Cyan, realizing he hasn’t a hope in hell of surviving this, decides to book it.

DDK:
He’s gettin’ outta Dodge!

Lance:
There’s a smart one among them after all.

Kerry frowns, somewhat disappointed by this decision, and rolls out.

DDK:
Uh oh…

Cyan sees him coming and begins running a loop around the ring. Kerry sprints after him, crowd cheering at his back. Cyan stumbles over his cape attempting to get back up the rampway, tries a last ditch effort to turn around and beg Kerry off, but instead finds himself kissing boot.

DDK:
YAKUUUUZZAAA KICK!!

Lance:
Let it be known that “the Emerald Apex” leaves no survivors!

Kuroyama looks around, seeing nothing but Reapers lying about writhing in pain (or otherwise preoccupied, in the case of Chartreuse Reaper). Satisfied with his work, he wipes off his hands and heads back up the rampway.

♫ “Blouses Blue by Konrad OldMoney feat. Sleep Steady ♫

DDK:
Even with their ranks bolstered by the newly introducing Violet and Yellow Reapers, the Rainbow Reapers are still no match for Kerry Kuroyama!

Lance:
If there’s any message they’re sending tonight, it’s that they’re about as durable as tissue paper.

DDK:
Hopefully, that marks the end of these colorful shenanigans! The last thing DEFIANCE needs right now is MORE Reapers!

DDK:
Up next in our main event tonight, we have the former Weighted Grade in action… Bobby Horrigan and Roosevelt Owens! They take on Gulf Coast Connection’s own “Wingman” Titus Campbell and The Crescent City Kid!

Lance:
Now that they’re no longer aligned with The Honor Society, I’m curious to see how the former BRAZEN Tag Team Champions rebound moving forward! 

The camera goes to ringside with Darren Quimbey in the ring for the introductions!

Darren Quimbey:
The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall and is your main event of the evening! Introducing first… 

♫ "The Saints" by Andy Mineo w/KB and Trip Lee ♫

Darren Quimbey:
Accompanied to the ring by Theodore Cain… Hailing from The Crescent City…  weighing in at a combined weight of 454 pounds… “Wingman” Titus Campbell… Crescent City Kid… THE GULF! COAST! CONNECTION!

One by one, the Gulf Coast Connection come out and they have their game faces on. Wingman Titus Campbell leads the trio with Theodore Cain and the masked Crescent City Kid right behind them! CCK and Theodore Cain hand out their signature Mardi Gras beads and masks to the masses before heading into the ring! Campbell poses for the people while Theodore Cain throws up the shaka sign! The music fades out.

Darren Quimbey:
And their opponents… 

 

Here come the two absolute behemoths: Bobby Horrigan and Roosevelt Owens. Surprisingly, there is no purple. No white. They have shed every indication of their Honor Society allegiance, instead reverting back to their OG ring attire: street clothes - tanktops, jeans, and a leather jacket or two. The pair pound their fists into their hands and point towards Reform as they march toward the ring.

♫ “Crush ‘Em” by Megadeth ♫

Darren Quimeby:
Weighing in at a combined weight of SEVEN-HUNDRED AND EIGHTY POUNDS… The team of Bobby Horrigan… Roosevelt Owens… HEAVY ARTILLERY!

The new theme plays the monsters to the ring. The 6’2” and 330-pound Horrigan takes the lead and the massive 450-pound Roosevelt Owens flanks him. They both reach the ring and Horrigan climbs through the ropes while Big Rosey pushes the ropes down and climbs inside. Once all teams are in, Horrigan starts with CCK. 

DING DING

The Crescent City Kid gives up some weight and height to Horrigan, but he locks up with the Irish Bostonian only to get chucked downwards to the canvas. Horrigan gets some jeers from the Dallas Faithful as he hits a fat boy flex! Roosevelt does the same from the apron and claps for his long-time tag partner. 

DDK:
Heavy Artillery are feeling themselves tonight, it seems. But they can’t let Gulf Coast Connection take an inch! 

He goes to pick up CCK off the canvas, only to get stopped by a jawbreaker from the masked man. He then hits Bobby with a dropkick! The blow only knocks him backwards, so he hits a second dropkick! The second one sends Horrigan stumbling backwards into the corner of the GCC, allowing The Wingman to get the tag! The Dallas Faithful cheer the big man as he climbs into the ring and hits a running splash in the corner on Horrigan! 

DDK:
And here comes all 6’6” and 271 of Wingman Titus Campbell! The muscle of the group! 

The ever-popular Wingman has Horrigan stunned as he runs the ring with his arms out like… you guessed it… a plane. Said Wingman hits the corner again with a running back elbow that stuns Horrigan in his tracks! He then makes the tag back to The Crescent City Kid!

DDK:
Good strategy from the GCC! Quick tags in and out to keep these big men at bay! 

Horrigan is held out for CCK to hit a flying missile dropkick that knocks him off his feet! Titus leaves the ring and allows for Crescent City Kid to hit for the cover. 

ONE!

TWO… NO!

Quickly, Horrigan pushes him off! 

Lance:
Barely a two-count there! Horrigan and Roosevelt feel like they need this win! They served loyally as the muscle for both Ned Reform and for TA Black for a few years now and have to show what they can do without them. 

DDK:
I’m eager to see if they’ve learned anything new now that they’re out in the wild again, so to speak. CCK nears the ropes! 

He dropkicks Horrigan in the back and sets him up for a tiger feint kick called the 504… but the call is disconnected when Horrigan CATCHES him! He throws CCK away, only for the flyer to land on his feet. But the second to adjust his footing costs him early when Horrigan lands a HUGE dropkick of his own that knocks him right into the corner of behemoths!

DDK:
I guess he learned a dropkick! Incredibly impressive to see a 330-pound man bust out something like that! 

Bobby sits up and cackles after showing off. He looks out to the crowd. 

Bobby Horrigan:
HOW’S THAT FOR A FLIPPY-DOO-DAD?!

And things go from bad to worse for CCK as he’s picked up and put into a bearhug by Bobby Horrigan! 

Lance:
The tag is made to Roosevelt Owens! And… OH, GOODNESS!

The exclamation is Bobby Horrigan holding CCK in his arms for the bearhug while the tag is made. Once Big Rosey hits the ring, Bobby THROWS him right into the much larger arms of the 450-pound Roosevelt Owens who starts shaking CCK with an even more powerful and tighter bearhug! 

DDK:
That’s incredible strength on display from Heavy Artillery! And… OH! What a biel! 

Big Rosey lets go of the bearhug only to chuck CCK out of the nearby neutral corner with a biel throw! CCK is thrown almost the entirety of the ring and holds his back in pain! CCK tries to pull himself up as Owens gets ready to charge. 

DDK:
Oh, no… Owens has CCK lined up in the corner for a splash… he charges… NO!

The larger half of Heavy Artillery collides with the corner and the ring almost moves as Crescent City Kid staggers out of the corner. He attacks Rosey’s left knee with a number of kicks before Rosey pushes him backwards. CCK recovers and rolls through only to deliver a basement dropkick to the left knee! CCK runs off the ropes… 

DDK:
Kid going for something… OH, NO! What a samoan drop! 

Lance:
CRESCENT CITY KID GOT CRUSHED! I THINK THAT’S IT!

Roosevelt casually lays an arm across the chest for a cover. 

ONE!

TWO!

SAVED BY CAMPBELL! 

Lance:
That was so close! Campbell gets there with the boot in the nick of time! 

DDK:
Campbell might have bought The Kid a little time, but he’s gotta get away from these behemoths! 

CCK is hurt badly, but is able to get to a knee. The break isn’t long though because CCK is picked up and put on the shoulders of Roosevelt again. He tries for another samoan drop, but this time, CCK sneaks out! When he turns around to charge at CCK, he gets a dropkick to the knee and then lands face-first in the corner of Heavy Artillery! The Dallas Faithful cheer on the masked man as he goes towards his corner. 

Lance:
Horrigan tags in… BUT SO DOES THE WINGMAN!

Theodore Cain leads the crowd in cheers as The Wingman climbs into the ring and SLUGS Bobby Horrigan with a running clothesline! The big man doesn’t go down right away, but he does get staggered. Campbell hits the ropes again with a second clothesline that knocks him back another couple of steps! He hits the ropes a third time. Bobby Horrigan swings for a right hand, but Campbell dips and comes back off the ropes with a flying shoulder tackle that finally knocks Horrigan down to big cheers!

DDK:
What a tackle by Campbell! The Wingman is up… big boot for Roosevelt Owens on the apron! 

The running big boot knocks Owens out from his corner. He waits on Horrigan and then hits him with a big boot, then climbs to the middle rope… 

DDK:
Here we go… Take Flight! 

Campbell takes flight with the move called… well, Take Flight! And hits the middle rope diving headbutt right to the chest of Horrigan! He goes for the cover!

ONE!

TWO!

NO!

The shoulder comes up!

Lance:
That was so close! But he’s trying to get him for the fireman’s carry now! 

He tries to hoist him up, only for Horrigan back up. Campbell hits him with a big right that sends Horrigan into the ropes, but Roosevelt makes the blind tag. When he gets in, Campbell tries a big boot, but Horrigan ducks. He then hits a HUGE belly-to-belly suplex on Campbell! He runs and kicks CCK off the apron. 

DDK:
Campbell didn’t see the blind tag… OH! 

Horrigan runs off the ropes and connects with a seated senton to the chest of The Wingman! Campbell is hurt, but Roosevelt Owens brings more pain as the legal man when he follows Horrigan’s seated senton with a COLOSSAL running splash!

DDK:
WHAT A COMBINATION! SEATED SENTON FROM HORRIGAN FOLLOWED BY THE BIG SPLASH FROM OWENS!

Big Rosey counts along with Bobby Horrigan as the people jeer!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

DING DING DING

♫ “Crush ‘Em” by Megadeth ♫

Darren Quimbey:
Here are your winners of the match… HEAVY ARTILLERY!

Owens picks himself up as Horrigan yells at Brian Slater to raise their hands. They both get their arms raised in triumph before the depart the ring!

Lance:
That was a good rebound win for Heavy Artillery! Gulf Coast Connection put up a good fight, but Heavy Artillery definitely wanted it more!

DDK:
That they did! And as we say good night, we’ll see you for DEFtv next week! For Lance Warner, I’m “Downtown” Darren Keebler! Good night, DEFIANTs!

As Theodore Cain and CCK go to check on the flattened Titus Campbell, Roosevelt Owens and Bobby Horrigan celebrate on top of the ramp! 

THIS.

IS.

DEFIANCE.