SPOTLIGHT - DEFIANCE's Strongest Man, Round 2 - DICK V BOX

Posted by Lance Warner on 4 Jun 2021


* Filmed as a special event RIGHT before this week's episode of UNCUT.

CLICK HERE FOR THE SHOCKING EVENT!

 

The WrestlePlex's crane cam shows a view of the full stage, Lance Warner and DDK still staring forward into the camera on stage, the DEFIATron coming to life with another crane cam view of the parking lot, many of the Faithful VIPs and Special Events Pass holders line a large fenced off area, cheering.  The DEFIATron picture takes over the viewer's screen as the boom slowly lowers and the shot focuses in tight on Darren Quimbey who smiles and waves.  Rick Dickulous stands off to Quimbey's left, and Bronson Box to his right along with his entourage.

DDK:
Looks like we start the show out front tonight.  We've got all our VIPs out there to witness this first hand, and I like that.

Lance:
Because feats of strength are better witnessed in person than seen on television?

DDK:
No, because the announce table is safe as long as Rick Dickulous is out there and not in here. It also smells very much like a dirty diaper out there, partner.

Lance:
What?

DDK:
Oh yeah, you got here earlier than me this morning. Just keep watching...

Darren Quimbey:
Ladies and gentlemen, Faithful of all ages, welcome to the second event of seven in the DEFIANCE's Strongest Man competition!  Tonight we will witness both of our competitors attempt to use nothing more than brute force in order to drag this…

As Darren Quimbey gestures off camera, the shot cuts to a cameraman on the ground directly in front of a garbage truck whose engine roars to life, the headlights and orange marker lights illuminating at once as the engine revs for a moment before a sharp hiss can be heard as the air canister relief valve opens, sending a small puff of dust from under the truck.

Quimbey:
...FULLY LOADED garbage truck, on loan from the City of New Orleans Sanitation Department, weighing in at a whopping FIFTY-FIVE THOUSAND POUNDS, a full one hundred feet in the shortest time possible!

The fans cheer as the garbage truck moves forward slowly, coming to a stop at the end of a thick rope secured to a parking lot light pole a good distance in front of it; a hastily painted red line marks the one hundred foot distance. Before any entrant announcements are made “the biggest baddest referee” himself Buffalo Brian Slater leads what we’ll go ahead and call a platoon of black polo shirted DEFsec drones who form up in two lines at the dead center of the hundred foot course.

Lance:
Looks like Slater’s trying to avoid the mess from the last “event” these two held a couple weeks ago. Let's hope we can get through this one without a… what did we call it, Keebs?

DDK:
I believe other Darren and myself referred to it as a “concurrent sub-segment”, partner.

Lance:
TAKE A SMOKE BREAK THIS WEEK, PLEASANT!

“Other Darren” Darren Quimbey steps back up and raises his microphone to his lips...

♫“God’s Gunna Cut You Down”♫

The man in black is joined by DQ to announce our first competitor.

Quimbey:
Originally from the foggy shores of BANFF, SCOTLAAAAAND! He weights in tonight as a BEASTLY seventeen point fiiiiiiiiive stone. He is the TWOOOOOOOOOO TIIIIIIIIIIIME FIST OF DEFIANCE! He is the ORIGINAL DEFIANT, THE WAAAAAAAAARgod, theeeeeee ACE, the STAAAAAAAAARMAKER… he is the Bombastic BRONSOOOOOOOON BOOOOOOX!

He’s joined by several of his Conclave compatriots tonight, Gunther Adler and Rhys Collins. Both men are sporting Bronson’s new red, black and gold “STARMAKER” t-shirt.  They wave to the crowd as the fans cheer loudly, a quick split screen showing the fans inside the WrestlePlex also making noise in support of the legend.  As the cheers slowly fade, Quimbey continues as a powerful kick drum rumbles from the PA system speakers, as well as over the sound system inside the arena

♫ "Face Fisted" by Dethklok ♫

Quimbey:
And from Toronto, Canada, standing a towering SIX FOOT NINE INCHES, and weighing in at a whopping FOUR HUNDRED TWENTY FIVE POUNDS…RIIIIIIICK DIIICKULOOOOOUS!

The crowd begins booing (both in the parking lot and inside the WrestlePlex) as Rick Dickulous smugly looks around at the assembled Faithful.  As the music slowly fades, the split screen ends, leaving the parking lot as the main focus.

Quimbey:
Each competitor will be fitted with a harness secured to the frame of the garbage truck by way of a heavy duty towing rope.  On the ground is another heavy duty towing rope which each competitor will use in order to pull himself along to maintain momentum.

Quimbey digs into his pocket, retrieving the same promotional coin from the week before and holds it aloft.

Quimbey:
As we did during round one, gentlemen, we will toss the same coin in order to determine which competitor will go first; Rick, as the winner of the last event, please call it in the air.

DDK:
Again, a special giveaway to all of those VIPs and Special Events Pass holders tonight.

Lance:
Again?  I still haven't been able to get one.

DDK [chuckling]:
I got mine.  Guess you have to be a VIP, Lance.

The coin barely leaves Quimbey's hand before Rick Dickulous makes the call, eyes narrowed, staring right through The Wargod, who stares right back.

Rick Dickulous:
Tails.

Neither man breaks the staredown as the fans cheer, the coin landing on the pavement and bouncing twice before coming to rest.  The shot zooms in as Quimbey picks the coin up off the ground.

Quimbey:
TAILS IT IS!

The cheers turn to boos as Rick celebrates the coin toss win with a yell, finally breaking the staredown with his arms raised in victory as he makes his way over to the front of the garbage truck with Brian Slater, who begins securing the harness to Rick's massive shoulders and chest.  Once secure, Slater moves to the side, ready to help with the rope on the ground currently in Rick's giant hands.  Rick hunches down in a four point stance, the rope to the front of the truck almost taught as he takes a few massive breaths.

Brian Slater:
Competitor ready?

Rick nods.

DING DING!!!

With a heave, Rick pulls the rope on the ground taught at the same time the rope on the harness creaks and the trash truck lurches forward.  As Rick pumps his massive legs and pulls with his gigantic arms, the City of New Orleans worker behind the wheel of the trash truck's face goes from sudden disbelief to instant hype.

DDK:
Looks like Rick Dickulous is moving his house across the parking lot here, Lance…

Lance:
And how!

The amount of momentum Rick is able to build up is almost inhumanly quick. As he sets his pace he belows from deep below his diaphragm, a roar of pure, focused intensity as he digs in and heaves his load forward. The wave of negative vibes thrown from the gathered Faithful as the lumbergiant grits through and finishes the course in almost flawless fashion. As a couple DEFsec apes unhook Rick from the harness the shit talk begins immediately…

Rick Dickulous: 
WHAT’S UP NOW, OLD MAN! HEH?!

Gunther and Rhys seem more phased by Rick’s taunts than The Wargod does. The garbage truck rumbles to full operation and the air is filled with the unmistakable ear piercing BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP of garbage going backwards. As the truck is reset Brian Slater hauls the harness over and gets Boxer locked in. The camera catches snips and snaps of a quiet aside between Slater and Box… 

Brian Slater:
… have to do this… your size and twice your… Iris says it's not in... 

The Original DEFIANT silently nosells the concern of the man he’s known for the better part of a decade.  A fellow DEFIANCE original. Brian just shakes his head and raises his gaze back to the gathered masses at large.

Brian Slater:
Competitor ready?

Box snorts and digs the balls of his boots into the asphalt.

DING DING!!!

The weight and height difference is immediately evident. This feat is a matter of leverage and Bronson just doesn't have as much as the lumbergiant. But if you’re a new fan and this is your first taste of the Bombastic Bronson Box… well, you’re about to see the definition of the DEFIANT spirit. The truck is moving slower, The Wargod LEANS against the rope with such force it looks as though the veins in his neck are about to burst.

DDK:
If there’s ANYBODY who can do this, it’s The Wargod!

Lance:
He’s too damn stubborn to lose, Keebs!

But that damn truck is MOVING. Inch by inch. As Boxer’s now VERY bloodshot brown eyes, singularly focused, are locked onto the finishing line… Rick Dickulous’ cocky bravado slips once again as he witnesses someone half his size accomplish what it just took every ounce of his strength to accomplish. With Slater focused on Box and Box focused on the task at hand Rick scans the horizon… his eyes narrowing, settling with a smile on Reinhart and Gunther cheering their friend a few feet away.

Lance:
OH WHAT THE HELL?!

A vicious, borderline reckless HUGE running boot to the side of Gunter Adler’s dome sends him sprawling to the asphalt. Brian’s army of DEFsec goons swarm the now grinning nad passive lumbergiant and form a wall between he and a now FURIOUS Rhys Collins,

Rick Dickulous: 
Yo! No harm no foul, I saw a spider on his shoulder! I tried to tell him... Maybe the krout doesn't understand the English too good, ya’ know?

As Rick roars with disingenuous laughter, young Rhys lunges over the line of security. The whole cacophonous kerfuffle causing enough of a ruckus to draw the laser focused attention of the Wargod away from his spine breaking task.

He stumbles.  Zeroing out all the momentum he’d built up to that moment. The crowd's collective groan is only matched by Rick Dickulous’ now very sincere laughter. Bronson is quick to get back to it, but the frustration grows more and more evident on his red veined face. Sweat pouring down his brow and off the ends of his mustache, The Wargod manages to stumble back into some sort of momentum.

DDK:
COME ON BRONSON! JUST A LITTLE FURTHER!

Lance:
HE’S ALMOST THERE, KEEBS! HE’S GUNNA’… oh. Oh no...

Before the words can even finish coming out of Lance Warner’s mouth we all watch Boxer’s knee buckle and SLAM into the asphalt parking lot with enough force to make anyone watching cringe. Several times over, try as he might he tries to get back to his feet only to have his knee buckle at the attempt. Several expletive-laced failed attempts after that Buffalo Brian Slater and DEFIANCE Doctor Iris Davine step in and huddle up best they can with the frustrated Wargod. 

Boxer is out of the harness and making a furious B-line for the building before Slater can even pow-wow with DQ about the decision.  Iris is quick to follow him.

Darren Quimbey:
The decision has been made that…

The pompous ass that he is, Rick snags the microphone from DQ and shoves the poor man down on his ass, ripping his tux in the process.

Rick Dickulous:
BLAH BLAH BLAH… TINY OLD MAN CAN’T HANG WITH THE STRONGEST THERE IS, PUNKS! Yeeeeah, two to zip… SUCK ON ALL THAT SHIT, DEFIANCE! HEH?! Breathe it in… that’s a new era dawnin’ folks! Bronson Box was one bad ass son of a bitch six, seven years ago. Made this whole place somewhere Rick Dickulous wants to BE. But that’s a double-edged sword old man… like the movie said! If you build it, they will come. You’re lookin’ at SEVEN FEET OF THEY, HOLLIS! YOU BUILT IT… I’M HERE!

He spikes the microphone hard enough that it splits into three even pieces and fly off in all directions. Rick holds out his arms and soaks in the hatred from the assembled Faithful. Before anymore screen time is wasted on the lumbergiant’s gloating we cut jarringly back to Keebler and Warner at the announce table. Neither man looks to be in the best of spirits after what just happened.

DDK:
I’m not sure what to say, partner.

Lance:
After watching that are we left to ask… has Bronson Box finally lost a step?

DDK:
Or is… lord help me… Rick Dickulous just that damn GOOD, Lance? Thankfully this competition is FAR from over and you’ve seen just like I have The Wargod pull off the impossible before.

Lance:
Took the words right out of my mouth, Keebs.

 

DEF logo.


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"Once again Bronson Box goes out there and shows some unworthy outsider which way the FOOKIN’ wind blows! Now squid? Leave… tuck yer’ tail between yer’ legs and LEAVE. Like they all LEAVE! Tom Sawyer GONE Xavier Langston GONE Christian Light GONE Boston Bancroft GONE Dusty Griffith GONE Ty Walker GONE Stephen Greer GONE Eugene Dewey, Chris Cannon, Edward White, Claira St. Sure, Heidi Christenson, Jeff Andrews GONE GONE GONE GONE GONE FOOKIN’ GONE! Even ERIC DANE HIMSELF is bloody gone…"

- Bronson Box

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